A Little Scared

A Little Scared

As I sit here, in the midst of one of the worst times both of the kids have been sick (at the same time), I am a little scared.

At some point, my husband will be going away and I am freaking out.

He goes away a lot so I am used to it, but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard.  And it’s even worse if the kids are sick.

Doing the parenting thing as a team is hard enough as it is, doing it alone is terrifying. And difficult. And it feels like it will never end.

What if the kids get sick again?  What if I get sick again?  What if, what if, WHAT IF!!!??

I can feel the panic rising in me as I type this and think of all the things that are happening during the time he’s going to be away, and I seriously consider running away.

I actually think “if I had a mental breakdown, do you think he might not go away?”.  I even go a bit deeper and think of doing bad things to myself to stop him going away … I never act on it, but the thought is there.

I hate parenting alone. Hate it. Doesn’t matter how many times he goes away, I freaking hate it every single time.

I know I don’t truly know what it’s like to be a solo parent, so for those of you who do it solo 24/7 please forgive me: I am only speaking of how I feel about my own situation and in no way mean any disrespect.

Do any of you have partners who go away?  Do you know how I feel?

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