© Can Stock Photo / Pixelbliss
MY ADDICTION TO FOOD
I can only describe the journey with myself and my body as one of discovery. I’ve always been roughly 75kgs, and at 172cms, that’s pretty good. Usually, I put on weight because I loved food and the balance wasn’t there. Then I lost the weight when I realised I wasn’t happy with my body, so focused on eating healthy and exercising.
Repeat that cycle times a thousand.
It’s especially worse when I’m emotional. Or there’s a binge-worthy series on Netflix.
Now I’ve come to realise there’s more to it than meets the eye. I have an addiction to food. Obviously this is self diagnosed, but I believe it’s true.
For a very long time I’ve used food to make me feel better. I’ve become addicted to this. I eat when I’m watching TV, which makes me feel better – it’s comforting. Dessert is the best. When the food doesn’t make me feel better anymore, then I try and eat healthy, and exercise and that makes me feel better.
Until that stops working, and I turn back to food.
It’s like this vicious cycle that I can’t seem to break.
Last year I got diagnosed with Coeliac Disease – meaning I have to be gluten free. That journey in itself has been a huge struggle. Obviously my food addiction couldn’t continue the way it was, because it was killing me. So for a while I ate better – but just like all my food journey’s, I went back to the old habits.
Anytime I got complacent about where I was at, or that I’d lost a little weight, I’d start eating crap again. I’d just say to myself “it’ll just be for today” but that turned into “oh just for this week”, which obviously turned into “just for this month”. Then before I know it, I’ve put all the weight I’ve lost, back on, and my moods are terrible.
I hate feeling like shit. I hate feeling like I’m not in control.
The only time I felt genuinely excited or in control was when I did the Fat 2 Fit 12 week challenge. I actually lasted 12 weeks and followed the meal plan pretty well. It was actually during this time I was diagnosed with Coeliac Disease.
I’m going to work closely alongside Sera from Fat 2 Fit and see if I can get my lifestyle in line.
Moving forward whatever I do has to be forever. It has to be sustainable, and it has to work for me. I work really well when being told what to do. Meal plans work best for me. Having Coeliac Disease actually works best for me – because I basically can’t eat any shit foods.
At the moment I would say I’m about 85kgs. Whilst that’s not heavy by everyone’s standards, it is by mine.
Have you done anything and stuck to it, lifestyle wise? What works for you?
PS Confession: during the last month I have eaten nothing but horrifically gluten filled foods. Including McDonald’s, KFC and Burger King. I have been so ashamed of this that I haven’t shared any of it on my Snapchat.
PPS you might not understand why I eat gluten foods, especially given my diagnosis of Coeliac Disease; but just know it’s a struggle mentally for me. Sometimes I know that’s hard for others to understand that it’s not as simple as stopping eating it. I need to get through to myself. I hope that makes sense …
———————–
