Stay At Home Mum vs Working Mum (NO, JUST NO)

© Can Stock Photo / Paha_L


Stay At Home Mum vs Working Mum

This was written because of my opinion piece about Kindergarten changes here in Auckland post. Some of the comments got me a bit down, and instead of getting angry or mad, I thought I’d set the record straight …

First things first – there should be absolutely NOTHING between stay at home Mums and working Mums ok?! FFS … it’s not a competition! It’s called reality!

If my Gran was around today (Stay At Home Mum to NINE children) she would think it was sad that parents had to go to work but would understand it was a reality now-a-days with the growing cost of living.

Let me be the first to say – I HATE it that people feel they need to justify their position. Heck, even I feel like I need to!


I get a lot of grief as a SAHM because I’m “luckier than most” and I should be “grateful” to be in this position.

For starters – I am beyond grateful. RIDICULOUSLY grateful.

I am grateful to my husband for working his ass off to allow me to stay at home. If you follow me anywhere on Social Media you will have seen our house – we live in a 1970’s sh*tty house in South Auckland. Our walls aren’t even painted.

We have one car, and my husband bikes to work. Both of our parents help us out where they can.

I am also grateful to be in the position I am in with my wee business (Happy Mum Happy Child). Something that happened by pure chance and luck.

HOWEVER, yes, being a stay at home mum is a blessing, but it also has it’s downfalls – I felt like I never got a break. It’s a bit different now because the kids are older and starting to go to School / Kindy, but it was very difficult some days.

Most days when the kids were younger, I felt lost. I would envy my husband for being able to go to work and get away from it.

I’m sure my post natal depression was attributed to the fact I stayed at home.


With regards to working parents – my heart goes out to them. I realise most parents would much prefer to be at home with their kids, but financial strains mean it’s not possible.

So you do what you do best as a parent – you work your ass off (just like Phil does). AND you feel BAD about it. You feel horrible compared to us SAHM’s because you think you’re not doing as good as you can. But honestly …

That doesn’t make you ANY less of a parent than anyone who stays at home.

But it doesn’t make you any better either, because we’re all the same.

We have the SAME GOALS in mind.


We are all doing the best for our families; we want the best for our children and would sacrifice anything to achieve that. Whether it’s time with our kids, or our sanity.

Please don’t think you are any less of a parent because of your choice, because you’re not.

We love our children and our family; and would do anything for them. Your children LOVE you no matter what you do.

I’m over the working parents vs stay at home parents thing.

It’s not a thing. Don’t feel insecure with your choice as a parent (or the fact you didn’t have a choice).

And those of you who are in whatever position you are in – hold your tongue before you pass judgement on someone else. You NEVER know their back story or how much they struggle.

Just because I’m a SAHM doesn’t mean I have it easier than anyone else. Same goes for working parents. BOTH have their positives and negatives. BOTH struggle.

Please remember that we’re all in this together!




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