After I had a bit of a meldown at Christmas over the way I looked, I decided to take matters into my own hands regarding the way I think about myself; and I paid for a stylist to come and work her magic.
It sounds ridiculous, but I have an issue with the way I think of myself and my body. For years after having babies, the image of myself in my head wasn’t what I saw in the mirror; and I have had a really hard time dealing with it.
I constantly criticise myself, which leads to dieting and then putting on the weight, and more dieting, and putting on more weight.
Sadly, my thoughts and feelings about myself are deeply rooted in fatphobia. Which is freaking embarassing to admit but society has a lot to answer for and I work daily on this. It’s so stupid that it’s even there but again, society has been ruthless with women and how they look.
Society and it’s hundreds of years of mysogenic beauty standards created by old grumpy men to create and promote products.
ANYWAYYYY … after I had a big cry at Christmas time over the way I look (which TBH was ridulous because I know deep down I look great), I realised I had to take a step back and really take a good hard look at myself.
Did I want to continue down the “diet and then fail / put on weight” path, or tackle my issues head on?
It’s always really confronting when you realise what you have to do.
I got to a point where I thought “what if I’m supposed to accept my body as it is, right now – what if that’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn”. And that’s when I thought “why don’t you get a stylist in to help with your wardrobe”.
I have a tendancy to use clothing to hide myself. I am not a fan of my arms, so I’ll do anything to cover them up. Heck I’ll do anythign to hide myself even to the detriment of my health. Even in the sweltering heat, I’ll be wearing a cardigan or jacket – because I hated the way I looked.
Finally, I decided enough was enough – I needed someone to come and tell me truthfully what looked good on me – because I couldn’t trust myself to know what looked good.
I chose a stylist who i’ve followed for years online, and who I know personally. I love her style and her philosophy with styling.
Her name is Cait and her business is called Chasing Cait.
She came to my house, and we sat down together and chatted about my body and it’s proportions and how best to accentuate my curves. I’m an hourglass – bust and hips are relatively the same width and my waist is smaller.
We talked about colours and which ones would suit me – I suit cool tones btw. If anyone is interested.
After our chat, we went to my wardrobe and I went through EVERYTHING with her and we sorted stuff into three piles – yes, no and maybe.
The first few were the hardest to make the decision about because I wasn’t used to making snap decisions, but soon I got on a roll and was ruthless.
If I didn’t love the piece of clothing, it went into the NO pile immediately.
Some of the clothing I kept for sentimental reasons but the majority went to the no pile and a handful went into the maybe. What was left went back into my wardrobe and Cait organised everything that went back in too (bless her).
At the end of it all, I ended up going through the maybe pile and putting it in the no pile; by the end I had figured out what I liked and didn’t like which made it easier to make a decision.
After this cathartic process, we hit the shops. We went to five shops in total – Farmers. Jacqui-E, Merchant, Max and Just Jeans (if you’re in New Zealand and Australia you will know these shops).
Cait picked out the clothes and I tried them on.
I was trying on things I normally wouldn’t pick, and the way I was wearing them was completely out of my comfort zone – I was tucking things in and showing my shape.
To start with I felt awkward and reallly didn’t like how I looked.
So I said to Cait “I need you to be honest with me because I can’t trust myself to know what’s good or not” – and I knew Cait would be honest.
Thankfully I trusted what Cait said about how I looked – the majoirty of the things she picked out looked amazing but there were some misses. And I could feel it when I tried them on.
By the end of the shop, I was so excited and I felt so much more confident that when I had first started trying on clothes.
It was during this shopping / trying on process, that I realised I had been hiding behind my clothes and not wearing them to show off my amazing self.
It makes sense I felt uncomfortable – I normally covered myself up; to hide my body from the world
Once we got home, Cait put over 90 outfits together with the clothes I bought and with my existing wardrobe. OVER 90.
The next day I couldn’t wait to get changed and start embracing my new self both mentally and physically.
That was over a week ago, and I haven’t looked back. Here is what I’ve worn each day of the past week or so:
I now have a lookbook full of looks, but I feel so confident in hitting my wardrobe without those looks; because everything I bought goes with everything else. It just depends on how I feel.
This could just be me on a high from the experience – but I do feel like my mindset about my body is changing. I feel that wearing clothes to acceentuate my body is helping me accept who I really am right now.
I certainly feel a lot more comfortable within myself.
This isn’t an ad or anything – I paid for Cait’s services. I can obviously highly recommend her, and she has many different options to suit your budget and location.
You can check her out at Chasing Cait Style Coach.