© Can Stock Photo / Usoltseva
When Do We Forget What It’s Like To Be A Parent?
So many of us have been in that situation – where we are out in public and our kids choose that precise moment to inflict terror upon our lives as parents.
You all know the one – where we are somewhere public, and our child starts having a meltdown, or just plain not listening.
We don’t want to be in that situation. All we want to do is hide, and pretend the child isn’t ours. For me personally, I get completely embarrassed; I hate people thinking that my children are like that 24/7. If you follow me on Snapchat (happymumnz), you will know they’re not haha …
Often the meltdown / tantrum / defiance happens at the Supermarket, or like you read on my Facebook page the other day, at the Post Office.
Leaving is the BEST punishment / consequence when we are out, even if I personally hate it. Not only does it show the children you mean business, but it hopefully snaps them out of whatever mood they were in. However, if you’re somewhere you actually have to be (like the Supermarket); leaving isn’t an option.
What really grinds my gears, is those of us who have apparently forgotten what it’s like to be a parent. So when they see a toddler having a tantrum (or not listening), instead of giving a supportive look, or offering help; they make a snide remark.
Or give a big “tsk tsk” or a “sigh” – because heaven forbid a yelling toddler is inflicting pain on their poor wee ear drums for a micro second in their life.
When I was at the post office, there was a lady in the queue who said out loud (about me and my child) “don’t you hate it when people can’t control their kids“.
Why do you need to say this?! You obviously don’t have kids, and if you do then shame on you for not being able to hold your tongue.
Kids aren’t perfect; just like adults. Sometimes we can’t control them. Sometimes their personalities don’t bend and twist to meet our expectations as adults. Sometimes they’re kids who are still learning how we expect them to be and act in the world.
Sometimes kids just get bored and don’t know what to do with themselves. Sometimes they want to have a little bit of fun..
It is our place as parents to guide them in the right direction, but it is not always easy. It is also not always possible at every waking moment to be the perfect parent.
There is no way in hell we want to be in a situation, IN PUBLIC, where we have to discipline our kids.
What makes it worse is when people openly comment on the situation. As if we don’t already feel bad enough as it is.
What I really want to do is get the heck out of there with my kid, but first I have to finish doing what I’m doing. So in the mean time, I could try a million things (yelling, threatening, eyeballing), or buckle down and let them ride it out while I quickly finish what I’m doing.
As an aside, it really is in my best interest to calm a toddler down – because have you ever tried to do stuff while a kid is yelling or screaming at you. Or acting out defiantly? It’s impossible to multitask. That level needed to focus on your child is greater than anything else and often my brain stops working.
So you’re annoyed by my child screaming / acting out?! Reality check: I’m annoyed by it too.
Do you know what IS helpful in a situation like that? Not saying anything. Or better yet – offer a smile of support, or at least a smile of ‘I get you, and I’m sorry you’re going through it”.
Never in a million years is saying “oh it’s a shame you can’t control your kids” a helpful thing.
I never expect people to help me out; in fact I’d rather people ignore me than help me. But please for the love of god don’t say anything negative.
I’ve also noticed that the older people get, the more they’re likely to forget what they went through. Or somehow it changes in their mind. Time changes everything, especially memories.
So whilst their kids probably did exactly the same thing, over time they forget and in the next breath they’re telling everyone how perfect they were. I can’t wait until my kids finally become perfect, and I can turn into a judgemental asshole ????
OH and if the person making a comment about me not being able to control my kid actually DOESN’T have kids, then they can just f’k off. They had meltdowns when they were kids.
Trust me, no one’s perfect. Especially the vocal judgey people …
© Can Stock Photo / sunflowerr