It’s terrible, but I criticise myself and my parenting way too much.
The other day (in fact right now) I look back on my journey as a parent and I seriously question myself.
I look at my children and I think “they’ve gotten this far purely by luck, because I haven’t really done anything for them“.
I look forward to the times alone; I take every opportunity to have a moment to myself and I worry that because of this, I am a useless parent.
I know it’s not true though – I’ve been there for them through thick and thin when they were babies, even if I did dream about being able to go to work and escape the insanity that was parenting.
I know, like every parent, I stayed up feeding them, burping them and then agonising over trying to get them to sleep.
I know that I teach my children it’s ok to cry and be themselves.
I know that from a young age, every time we went up and down stairs, I would count; so that they would start learning.
I know that we try and teach our children that it’s ok not to like someone, but you have to be kind to them.
I know I have taught them a whole lot of things which lead them to be the way they are now …
But I can’t help but look back on it, and then look at where they are now and think “that’s purely by luck because I honestly don’t feel like I’ve been there at all for them”.
I’m not the biggest fan of “pretend play” – mainly because I just can’t fully immerse myself in it.
Even though I have a crap tonne of activities here on my website, I often feel too lazy to set them up and do them.
I don’t often bake with my kids because I can’t be bothered with the mess.
I think it’s because of what I said above PLUS the fact that I enjoy the time to myself and feel like even though I’m HERE, I’m not HERE.
I know I am way too hard on myself, but these are thoughts that go through my mind as a parent.
Does that even make any sense?