Let’s be honest, I already run at a certain level of anxiety, but for some reason I get a lot more anxiety at this time of the year.
In fact it’s REALLY causing me a lot of grief and I think I need to go chat to my GP.
Every time I go out, I fear crowds. I just don’t do well in crowds at all. I get all sweaty and panicky, and just want to leave.
Then when I go for long drives, my mind jumps to conclusions and I worry we will have an accident. ANY TIME I leave the house, I’m worried about having an accident.
Then I get stuck in my own head about what I’m doing with my kids – if I don’t go out, or do something with them, I mentally beat myself up because I think I’m a terrible parent.
Our house isn’t huge, and I feel bad for being here all the time; but some of my other anxieties are stopping me from really stepping out.
Today I went to the Zoo, which might not seem like much but the whole “what if there’s a massive crowd thing” always puts me off; but I went anyway and it was fine – which is always the way.
It’s always fine; it’s my mind that makes it not.
Just like if I decided to keep my kids home ALL holidays so that they could just chill out and do whatever; that’s fine too.
If I wanted to let them watch movies; that’s fine.
The real issue is I feel it’s not fair on them, so we will do day trips to places. We’ve got my parents to visit, and my in-laws. There’s a million parks to visit.
NO EXCUSES REALLY.
Like I said above – I just get stuck inside my own head.
I also compare myself to my husband way too much. He is TRULY an amazing Dad, and husband and sometimes I feel bad he has me.
I said to him “sometimes I get grief from people that you’re the one who takes the kids out on the weekend”, and he said “that’s what I’m supposed to do“.
He reassured me that actually Dad’s do stuff with their kids on the weekend, to help out the Mother’s. Not ALL Dad’s do this, but a lot do.
His reassurance helped but I still doubt myself as a parent all the time.
I know I’m not the only one who suffers from anxiety, I just don’t talk about it as much as I talk about my struggle with depression.
If you need help of any kind, I highly recommend reaching out to your GP.
You can also email me on firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to have a chat. I’m always around (even if it takes me a while to respond).