I Am Not The Cool Kid

 


I Am Not The Cool Kid

Do you ever feel like you’re not the cool kid?

My whole life I’ve felt like this. Even within my own family (not because of anything my siblings did, I just never felt as cool as them). Maybe it’s because I’m the eldest and “paved the way”.

When I was bullied at school it just reinforced that I wasn’t cool.

I always felt like I had to try and be more exciting or funnier for people to notice me; even then I didn’t feel adequate enough.

Now as a blogger, nothing has changed. I take relatively average photos. I’m average looking and my weight is average as fuck. My house looks like shit and isn’t designed beautifully. Heck my clothes have so many holes in them it’s embarrassing but am I about to buy new ones?! No because I love my holey clothes; they’re majorly comfortable.

I don’t have designer clothes, or a designer budget; and I don’t want these. I’m happy with what I’ve got, but I think I’ll always feel like I’m not cool enough.

When I talked to Phil about this, he said “I don’t even care about being cool anymore”. And he’s right – I shouldn’t care. But I do. I can’t help it.

The older I get, the less fucks I should be giving but I don’t.

Every now and then I look, from the outside, and think “I’m still not cool”. I know I have a large following on social media, but deep down I am still a geek and don’t class myself as the “cool kid”.

I loved Buffy and Angel at High School; Roswell was also on the top of my list. Backstreet Boys covered my walls and to this day I still have a crush on Brian Littrell. I tried to be a good student at school, and did my best where I could.

I was never the popular kid. I don’t have a shit tonne of friends; even now. Although my friends have changed considerably from in-real-life to online: I count a lot of you as my friends now.

I’m a rule follower. I like to please people. I would do anything to make people like me – to the detriment of my own mental health. I am not very creative so I fake it till I make it, ya know?

Someone on my Snapchat (happymumnz is my username) said “Either I don’t feel cool or I compare myself with people too much” and that’s exactly right.

I think I compare myself with people too much. It’s a terrible habit, but I’m guilty of doing it.

Another amazing Snapchat friend said “I think it’s okay not to be the traditional “cool” because different is beautiful” and it brought a tear to my eye. Because it’s true and I need to remember it.

Do you feel like you’re not the cool kid?

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