WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF TO?
I had a nap today, something I do on the weekend when my husband is around, and when I woke up both kids had woken up from their naps and were playing on devices.
My husband was in the kitchen preparing dinner. The lounge was peaceful and quiet.
I looked at the scene, took it in and then said “Oh man I should have done this last night when I was making dinner – it was chaos with the kids and I got so stressed”
And he said “Did what?”
I replied “Put them on devices”
He then said “You should have – who are you trying to prove yourself to?” and OMG he is right.
Who am I trying to prove myself to?? Well, it’s me – I’m trying to prove it to me. Prove that I don’t need to rely on a device. Prove to society who bitch that we’re lazy parents for putting our kids on devices. Prove to everyone that I’m not a bad parent.
But it still comes back to me – no one is watching me at that moment. No one can see what is happening in my lounge. So why do I care?!
Because I have listened too much to people on the internet.
As I have said a thousand times before – we all do our best when it comes to being parents, but we are susceptible to judgements from others. And as much as we protect ourselves online, every comment said to us, every comment we read, goes into our brain and comes back to haunt us when we least expect it.
Last night when I was making dinner, it was horrific. It was one of those meals that needed to be perfectly timed, and required focus – and of course my kids were just being kids – screaming, yelling, fighting, wanting my attention (heaven forbid! HAHA) … all things that stress me out even more when I’m trying to do something.
If I had simply given them a device to watch, it would have actually calmed the chaos.
Next time I’m just saying “fuck it”. I’m not ruining my child’s life for that one moment by putting them on a device. I’m actually saving everyone’s life – from me. The 5pm beast monster.