I Am My Own Worst Enemy
This is my self doubt face – at 4am this morning. It looks like my regular face, but with more doubt ????
One of my less-than-desirable life skills is comparing myself to others, and then working myself into a puddle of emotions about how crap I am as a person compared to them.
Yay for stupid life skills.
I am a firm believer that we are all on our own journey in life, and that comparing yourself to others is pointless; but do you think I could actually convince my brain to follow through with that?!
I look at everyone and compare myself to them; family, friends, all women, mums, bloggers … EVERYONE.
On a good day, my brain filters out the crap and says “you got this girl, everyone’s on their own journey”.
However on a bad day, on a bad week (like the one I’m having right now), I see a photo online and my brain goes into this “Ok let’s over think this” mode and before I know it, I’m lying on the floor unable to move because I doubt myself so much as a person.
“Am I good enough?”
“Will I succeed at life?”
“Am I a good parent?”
“Do people even like me?”
“I suck as a person.”
“I am so average.”
Those are just some of the thoughts that are going through my mind right now.
I will be the first person to tell you that what happens online is not indicative of real life. But really, that doesn’t help me in these types of situations. My mind doesn’t give a f**k about that.
All of this self doubt that I have, has stopped me from moving forward in my life before because I feel like I’m not good enough to continue.
“There’s no point in going on with this, you’re just going to stuff it up anyway”
And that sentence right there is where I am at right now.
I wish I had more confidence in myself. I wish my brain didn’t need to level-up when it came to “self doubt mode”.