Friends After Kids
A lot of people online often say “you find out who your real friends are after having kids”, but to be honest I find this remark really shitty.
It might be because I have an open mind, but I really do look at the whole friendship situation quite differently.
We are all at different stages in our life. Some friends are single; some friends are married; some friends have babies; some friends are just in a long term relationship with no need to have kids.
I personally didn’t have a huge amount of friends before kids. In fact, I definitely think I have more afterwards – because suddenly I have something in common with more people than before HA!
When friends of ours started having babies before we did, we didn’t really visit them. Not because we were shitty friends – but because we didn’t really visit any of our friends. We were just lazy people.
Also, often when it comes to babies, we have no idea what we’re doing. My husband and I, pre-babies, were like new born animals around babies – clumsy as heck. We didn’t consciously make a decision not to visit friends, it just never came up.
Our own awkwardness meant that when we had kids, we completely understood those friends of ours who didn’t visit us.
MUMS WITH BABIES
A friendship is about more than who shows up on your door step. Sure I appreciated those who came, you have no idea how much I appreciated every person I saw (ADULTS, ADUULLTTSSSS), but to me it was about more than that.
Most friends still kept in contact through Facebook, or the occasional email; and for me, that is more than enough.
LIFE HAPPENS: just because I don’t see my friends, doesn’t mean they don’t exist, or they’re shitty people.
If you are struggling with friends in your life, who you are annoyed didn’t visit you when you had a baby, just take a step back and remember that we all have our own shit going on in our lives. And just because they don’t visit, doesn’t mean they care any less for you.
They could be feeling awkward about being around a newborn baby. Or not know how to act or what to say. Or there could be a million other reasons.
Reach out to your friends through social media, or through a phone call / text message. If you have to be the one to reignite the friendship, then so be it.
Please don’t discard a friendship just because people don’t come and see you with a baby.
PEOPLE WITHOUT BABIES
Please remember that life changes after kids. For everyone.
Parenting is tiring. Up all night, no rest during during the day. The only thing that gets us through each waking moment, is knowing that perhaps we will get 20 mins sleep at night.
Friends who don’t have kids: cut the parents a bit of slack. Eventually things become more stable, and we will be able to go out. A little bit of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is always great.
As I said above, just because you don’t see your friends, doesn’t mean the friendship is over.
Just reach out to your new-mum friend and say “hey I’m here if you need me”. Don’t expect them to come to you.
Friends come and go in life: this part is true.
A new born baby is just a moment in time, and everything changes. Now that my kids are a little older, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel – finally I am able to go out and actually visit friends.
Sorry this was long, but I am very passionate about remaining positive in life: especially when it comes to certain situations like friendship.