MARIA | HAPPY MUM HAPPY CHILD
Things You Shouldn’t Say To A First Time Mum
After reading a similar post on another website, I thought I’d put together my own list of things you shouldn’t say to a first time mum. This is based on my own experience, of things I really didn’t like to hear as a mother.
Now these are from people in real life: not people on the internet. Because internet people we can kind of distance ourselves from easier. I found it harder hearing it from friends or family …
1. Your Life Is Over
Honestly, a new parent’s life ISN’T over. It just changes. If you’re a parent saying this to another parent, then step back. How helpful is it hearing this?! It’s not – because you can’t possibly know what it’s like unless you’ve experienced it. So don’t say it to other people because it really isn’t helpful!
2. You really should keep breastfeeding
Everyone’s experience with feeding their baby is different – and as another parent, you of all people should know this. Don’t impart any thoughts on breastfeeding unless it’s asked by the mother. It can come across as incredibly rude, and can make another mother feel absolutely terrible about a situation that’s already really difficult to come to terms with.
3. Don’t let your baby change your life
Which absolutely contradicts the first point, but is often said; and was said to me several times. A baby changes your life, no matter how hard you fight it. A lot of parents WANT this change. Honestly if your baby doesn’t change your life in one way or another then something is wrong. As a parent there is no possible way of going back to a pre-baby life. None. So saying “don’t let your baby change your life” is a really silly thing to say in my opinion.
4. Don’t let him/her be a naughty baby
There is no such thing as a naughty baby. So please shut up.
5. If you let them do that now, they’ll never be able to stop
I’m talking dummies, co-sleeping, rocking a child to sleep – everything you do to basically help raise your child will have someone say “don’t do that because if you let them do it now, you’ll never be able to stop”. Guess what – you are in control. You can take the dummy away. You can stop co-sleeping. You can stop rocking a child to sleep. Nothing is set in concrete. We do what we do to get through the day!
6. My baby was sleeping through the night at 30 seconds old
Everyone’s baby is different. My kid slept through the night at 3 months old, and then after that one night, stopped. Babies stop and start sleeping through the night at random intervals. Just when you think you have it down, doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. Your baby might “sleep through the night” early on, but you never know what will happen as they grow up. My 2 and 4 year old STILL wake during the night.
7. When are you having another baby?
Like two seconds after you’ve just popped out the first one that question gets asked. My answer is always “Once my vagina / stomach heals and I can’t remember the trauma from pregnancy / labour”. Also that would mean having sex again, and the thought of sex after a baby popped out my hoo-ha is definitely not on my mind.
8. Don’t answer every single cry, you will spoil them
A bit similar to number 5 – yes because answering their cries is spoiling them. Hugging them when they need you, is spoiling them. NOT! You cannot spoil a baby!
Those seven things really got on my nerve as a Mum, but I never said it out loud; and tried not to take it to heart. I encourage you to do the same – protect yourself and remember that each of us are on a different path in life.
Each of us experience things differently – and no two babies are ever the same.
Try not to get offended by what someone else says. I know that’s easier said than done, especially because as a new mum our hormones are all over the show.