One Of My Biggest Fears

© Can Stock Photo / kikkerdirk

One Of My Biggest Fears

I don’t even know if I will publish this. No one will probably even read it, but I don’t care. Sometimes I just need to write it down. To get it out of my head.

To get out of my own head.

I am a people pleaser – to my core. I just want to make everyone happy.

You guys have probably realised that from my posts on Facebook, Snapchat (happymumnz) and on here – I’m a pretty upbeat person, and even when I get “controversial”, I tend to stay on the fence for fear of offending people.

However, I am also an opinionated bitch. So I have these two sides within me fighting each other.

The nice one always wins because my fear of hurting or offending others always takes over; but I do have the other side to me. The part that balances me out.

I do have to say though, even though I am opinionated, I would never do or say anything intentionally to hurt anyone.

And that kind of brings me to the point of this blog – one of my biggest fears is that people say things about me, and they’re not true; but no one believes me haha …

Now of course, a lot of people in life have told me “you can’t worry about what others think”, “it’s out of your control”, or even “you can’t do anything about what other’s think or say about you” – and that is ALL TRUE.

However, I still worry; I still panic.

When something happens, and someone thinks something about me that isn’t true, I look like a desperate idiot trying to claw my way above the sand to say “hey no, I’m not like that”. And then that makes people look suspicious … we all know the saying “those who protest the loudest, carry the most guilt”.

At my core, I do feel guilty: guilty for whatever happened to make the person say or feel the way they do. But I always know in the bottom of my heart that I am a kind person and would never ever do anything maliciously.

So yeah … that’s me. I’m a nice person, who’s inner core is a bit bitchy. But overall I think most people are like that. I like to have a good gossip, enjoy a glass of wine or two. I’m an agro driver for sure, so if you see me driving and I beep at you, don’t take it personally.

But I would never, EVER, do or say anything to hurt anyone intentionally.

That’s just not who I am.



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