Too many times I have seen a Mum (usually a first-time-Mum) ask for advice about a certain situation, and the response from people is “mind your own business”.
For the most part, this is usually related to an incident where the Mother is worried about another child that isn’t their own; or a friend who is a parent.
As a new Mum it can be very confusing when you have no idea what’s normal and what isn’t. You’re struggling to deal with your own stuff and then you come across a situation that causes you concern.
Do you confront the person? Do you ignore it? What happens if something was affecting a child, what to do then?
It’s hard to know what to do and most of us don’t want to offend anyone, so we ask the question to a group of people.
“What do I do?” …
For starters, there really is no need to say “mind your own business” to anyone asking a legitimate question. Saying “oh I don’t think you need to worry about that” is a much kinder way of saying it.
When you’re in an online situation, text is often misinterpreted as “tone” is removed.
So saying “I wouldn’t worry about it“, acknowledges the question and reassures the Mother. “Mind your own business” is often used as an attack, so automatically has negative connotations. It’s cutting the person off and is almost a put down; which is not helpful at all.
Even in situations where it’s very clear the Mum should just stay in her own lane and not be concerned about someone else, doesn’t really need to have “mind your own business” said.
Saying “I don’t think you should be concerned by that” is a much kinder way of approaching it.
In my opinion, it really does take a village to raise a child. Whether that village is in real life, or online – support is needed for every parent or person.
Given New Zealand’s ridiculously high child abuse statistics, the whole “minding your own business” malarky does not help.
If you are concerned about something you have seen, you have every right to question it, and if you aren’t sure how to approach the person (or situation), then ASK.
Ask your friends, ask your parents, ask a group of strangers on the internet.
Ask until you feel confident that you either a) don’t need to worry about it, or b) move forward and perhaps address the situation.