Regretting Motherhood Does Not Make You A Bad Mother
I read an article on The Sydney Morning Herald website about when women regret motherhood.
This happened to me when I first became a mother. Up until my baby was born, I couldn’t wait to be a Mum. In fact, I’d probably spent at least 10-15 years imagining myself as a Mother.
So when I had a baby, one of the things I really struggled with, was the fact that I was pretty sure I had made a mistake. A mistake that I couldn’t change or take back.
For a while, I did regret Motherhood.
Mainly because it wasn’t what I thought it would be. Nobody can really explain to anyone how hard it is. That first year when you pretty much get zero sleep, and are held to ransom by a child who can only communicate by crying.
Not everyone plans to be a Mother; to some it happens by accident. To others for reasons that are out of their control.
It is ok to regret Motherhood.
“When a woman tells you she regrets becoming a mother, she’s not telling you she dislikes her children. She’s telling you she dislikes the job. How many times have you worked with co-workers you loved but hated the job? It’s the same with motherhood but it’s a job no woman is allowed to quit.” (taken from the SMH article)
So many times you see in online forums where a Mum (or even a Dad because it’s just as hard for them too), complains about something to do with parenting and they get the cliched “why did you have children if you can’t handle it”
OR “shouldn’t have had children if you’re going to moan like this”
Just like the quote from the SMH article – when was that ever a helpful statement to make. If you’ve ever bitched and moaned about your job you should understand that it’s cathartic to get it out. It’s cathartic to say “actually some days I find it hard and I wish I could go back to the other job I had”.
It doesn’t make you a bad person.
To everyone out there who has struggled: you are not a bad Mum for regretting motherhood.
I say this a lot but each day something changes; your child does grow up. Every day life changes – it’s never the same. It might not get easier but you won’t have a screaming baby for 20 years (thank God!).
To everyone out there who HASN’T struggled: it always pays to check yourself before you comment online. Just because you haven’t experienced it, doesn’t mean you’re right and they’re wrong. Everyone experiences things differently in life and you should thank your lucky stars you didn’t have that additional struggle to deal with.
Have you ever regretted Motherhood?